So many people are leaving! One long term and two short term volunteers from the church have left this month. A long with two other friends who were volunteers through other programs have gone home this month. It’s great to meet so many interesting people, but sad to then have to say good bye. Leah, the other girl here with lahash is also going home, this week.
It is beautiful the emphasis and importance this culture puts on good byes. Perhaps a little annoying how formal and long they are, still have to put that one in there : ). But I really appreciate the time that everyone takes out to show their appreciation and love for a visitor/friend/coworker. When the short term volunteers left, we had a big lunch. There were speeches about how wonderful they were and how much of a blessing their time at the church had been. Emotional for people who had been there for a two weeks. I thought it was great. Another great tradition is the gift of kitanges. I’m sure that’s not spelled right but the huge pieces of fabric that people make into dresses or just wear. Beautiful peaces of fabric. Often times they have saying on them that are important when they are given as gifts. The person being honoured is wrapped in the kitange and then many pictures are taken. Beautiful way to say good bye.
The last week leah’s dinner schedule has been booked! I have been also able to tag a long. Once people realized she was leaving so soon, everyone wanted to have us over for dinner. It was important to people that they had a chance to share a meal with us to show appreciation and properly say good bye. Many of the church workers don’t speak English very well but they still wanted us to be in there homes. It was great to be able to see another side of their lives. I spend so much time with them at church. I have seen their heart to serve the people around them. It’s easy to forget the many of these people working at the church don’t have great living situations either. Some fathers are absent in families, people are sleeping on couches or a family is sharing on room. It has been really fun have a chance to experience that.
Another side note that has come along with Leah leaving—She and I made dinner for our host family, we are living together right now. We made chilli and cheese bread and fruit salad. We feed 16 people! It was epic to cook this meal in Africa! First we had to get everything that we needed in town. Walking all over, first to the market, then to the wazungu shop (white people store), then the spice shop, finally trying to find everything else on the street. After trekking it all home it took us a couple of hours to cut everything up in our hands, open cans with knives, cook everything on a coal stove outside. It’s pretty different from cooking at home. Throws a little twist in it all. The chilli turned out really good! I think the family enjoyed our effort too to feeding them all. It was difficult to explain to the kids that although this was typical ‘american’ food, it wasn’t what we ate everyday. It’s difficult to explain the variety that most people have in the states. I really enjoyed being able to share that part of my life at home with them though.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Formalities
People are people and relationships are relationships, but there is something about people’s interactions here that is unlike what I feel at home. People seem more guarded here somehow. It could still be the language barrier that prevents people from letting me in, but still interactions are different. Maybe this is too harsh, but there seems to be a lack of emphasis on the truth and honesty. Perhaps it is just displayed in a different way. Let’s see if I can try to explain this.
For starters at home I get annoyed with the programmed, how are you? I am good responses. If things are rough… a lot of people still say they are good. If times aren’t good, the person asking often doesn’t really want to hear about it. They just want to hear about the good things. I don’t feel this way in all communities at home. I really value the ones where I can say, ‘Things are a little rough.’ And the other person can take it as it is and the conversation doesn’t come to a halt. Any how…all greetings are programmed like that here. I haven’t learned how to say things are ok, or not good. Sometimes if I say I’m tired people don’t know how to respond. You go through the routine, hi how are you? Fine, how is home? Good, how is work? Fine. Greetings are HUGE here. But always routine. Visiting a member of the church in the hospital I saw his wife go through the same thing. I’m good, my husband is fine, he is improving, thank your for you kindness we are fine. Not true!! It was a serious situation and he wasn’t improving initially, she hadn’t slept in three days. Really should have been sleeping rather than entertaining visitors. It doesn’t seem to be acceptable to admit these weaknesses. This is just one example too.
I love the community at the church. They have so much passion and energy. I love them! But the community doesn’t seem very personal. Little things get up out in the open but big struggles are not exposed or even mentioned. Perhaps they are not here, perhaps it’s to difficult to mention them, perhaps I don’t understand. I would expect a community like this to challenge each other more, at work, spiritually, in home lives. They are very close. That is something that I love, but everything always seems so formal and fine. At home close knit communities like this one are much more transparent about what is going on in their lives. Not everywhere for sure. And a different work environment wouldn’t call for that, but in a church that is as close as this one, I’m surprised at that aspect of people’s interaction.
There seems to be no room for constructive criticism either. Even in the work environment. That is something that I really value. I want an honest assessment of my performance and how to improve it. There are some church leaders that tell us white folks to speak up when we have something so say. They tell us that they want our input, but when input is given, people often get defensive and the information isn’t received. On the other side, I want to be helpful and useful. There must be ways that I can do better or help out more, but whenever I ask they respond with unprecedented praise.
Something that I can’t quite get my head around. Not that there has to be a reason why. It’s interesting the subtle differences you learn working and living with people for an extended period of time.
For starters at home I get annoyed with the programmed, how are you? I am good responses. If things are rough… a lot of people still say they are good. If times aren’t good, the person asking often doesn’t really want to hear about it. They just want to hear about the good things. I don’t feel this way in all communities at home. I really value the ones where I can say, ‘Things are a little rough.’ And the other person can take it as it is and the conversation doesn’t come to a halt. Any how…all greetings are programmed like that here. I haven’t learned how to say things are ok, or not good. Sometimes if I say I’m tired people don’t know how to respond. You go through the routine, hi how are you? Fine, how is home? Good, how is work? Fine. Greetings are HUGE here. But always routine. Visiting a member of the church in the hospital I saw his wife go through the same thing. I’m good, my husband is fine, he is improving, thank your for you kindness we are fine. Not true!! It was a serious situation and he wasn’t improving initially, she hadn’t slept in three days. Really should have been sleeping rather than entertaining visitors. It doesn’t seem to be acceptable to admit these weaknesses. This is just one example too.
I love the community at the church. They have so much passion and energy. I love them! But the community doesn’t seem very personal. Little things get up out in the open but big struggles are not exposed or even mentioned. Perhaps they are not here, perhaps it’s to difficult to mention them, perhaps I don’t understand. I would expect a community like this to challenge each other more, at work, spiritually, in home lives. They are very close. That is something that I love, but everything always seems so formal and fine. At home close knit communities like this one are much more transparent about what is going on in their lives. Not everywhere for sure. And a different work environment wouldn’t call for that, but in a church that is as close as this one, I’m surprised at that aspect of people’s interaction.
There seems to be no room for constructive criticism either. Even in the work environment. That is something that I really value. I want an honest assessment of my performance and how to improve it. There are some church leaders that tell us white folks to speak up when we have something so say. They tell us that they want our input, but when input is given, people often get defensive and the information isn’t received. On the other side, I want to be helpful and useful. There must be ways that I can do better or help out more, but whenever I ask they respond with unprecedented praise.
Something that I can’t quite get my head around. Not that there has to be a reason why. It’s interesting the subtle differences you learn working and living with people for an extended period of time.
Monday, July 20, 2009
More photos
I added some more photos to the first album I made. The same link should work but here it is again.
Enjoy! and I'll have another post soon.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2036011&id=31601659&l=50fa4e693f
Enjoy! and I'll have another post soon.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2036011&id=31601659&l=50fa4e693f
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Just a little update
I haven’t posted in a while. Things were busy…and then I didn’t feel like writing. Sorry to all. Let’s see if I can recap some of the last three weeks.
I feel like I am settling into life here. Fewer things are new so fewer things to report. There are still plenty of things that I sit and wonder about. Things that confuse me and frustrate me, but I’ve been here long enough that even the thoughts seem to be cycling through.
Bible Camping
Two weeks ago we took the older Lahash, Compassion, and a lot of the youth from the church to a seminary outside of Dodoma in an area called Msalato. We spent three days in classes, singing, and playing games and eating. A lot of the time was spent in classes covering both biblical lessons and health related lessons such as HIV education, growth and development, and trauma healing. It was a lot of sitting for me. I have a hard time sitting for that long. The kids really seemed to enjoy themselves though. I think it’s more typical of a Tanzanian camp. I think it was really good for the kids to be in a different environment with there peers and even eating three meals a day.
Wazungu time
I’ve been spending some time with some other white folks in town. At first I was hesitant to hang out with them because that isn’t what I’m here for. Not that socializing is a bad thing but I’m here to learn about Tanzania and the culture and people who live here. It has been really fulfilling though to hang out with other people. I am more fed by that community and spiritually and emotionally encouraged. It’s relaxing to be able to get away and spend some time with people who have similar interests and cultural back grounds. Little things like being on our own schedule and wanting to go do something or play games rather than just sit around and watch tv. The people I’ve met are pretty cool too. It’s always fun to hear people’s stories. And seems like people also serving in a third world country have some similar stories. It is always good to have fellowship. I’m torn though. There does need to be a balance. I realize the value of having and escape and having people to process things with, but I also need to keep learning and figuring things out for myself. I still need to spend time with the family and play with kids at church.
Safari
I went on safari last Saturday. It was just a one day stint rather than the week long trip that was originally planned. I went with three friends here I’ve met that are from the US, a german woman who was visiting the building hospital for a four of weeks and a swiss guy who was volunteering with the mission airlines for a couple of weeks. We made a good group. We chartered a plane to go to a big park south of Dodoma. It was only a 45 min flight and the pilot was really good. The park was great. Weird to be spending so much money and doing something so touristy, but I had to just try to let that go and enjoy the experience. We saw just about everything. Elephants, giraffes, lions, wild bores, zibras, crocodiles, hippos, lots of antelope things…different kinds don’t remember all the names, all kinds of different birds. We didn’t see cheetahs, rinos, or hyenas but saw just about everything else. It was pretty neat to see the animals in the wild rather than in a small space at the zoo. I wish we could have stayed longer. It was a lot to see in one day. Too much driving I think. I would have liked to have sat and watched the animals for a while. I am really grateful for the opportunity though. That was my chance, and I loved it. We had a really nice lunch. I had three cups of coffee. It was so good I just couldn’t stop.
I’ll try to get a better story for my next post. And I’ll try to make it before the next three weeks is over. And I’m working on getting some more pictures up soon.
I feel like I am settling into life here. Fewer things are new so fewer things to report. There are still plenty of things that I sit and wonder about. Things that confuse me and frustrate me, but I’ve been here long enough that even the thoughts seem to be cycling through.
Bible Camping
Two weeks ago we took the older Lahash, Compassion, and a lot of the youth from the church to a seminary outside of Dodoma in an area called Msalato. We spent three days in classes, singing, and playing games and eating. A lot of the time was spent in classes covering both biblical lessons and health related lessons such as HIV education, growth and development, and trauma healing. It was a lot of sitting for me. I have a hard time sitting for that long. The kids really seemed to enjoy themselves though. I think it’s more typical of a Tanzanian camp. I think it was really good for the kids to be in a different environment with there peers and even eating three meals a day.
Wazungu time
I’ve been spending some time with some other white folks in town. At first I was hesitant to hang out with them because that isn’t what I’m here for. Not that socializing is a bad thing but I’m here to learn about Tanzania and the culture and people who live here. It has been really fulfilling though to hang out with other people. I am more fed by that community and spiritually and emotionally encouraged. It’s relaxing to be able to get away and spend some time with people who have similar interests and cultural back grounds. Little things like being on our own schedule and wanting to go do something or play games rather than just sit around and watch tv. The people I’ve met are pretty cool too. It’s always fun to hear people’s stories. And seems like people also serving in a third world country have some similar stories. It is always good to have fellowship. I’m torn though. There does need to be a balance. I realize the value of having and escape and having people to process things with, but I also need to keep learning and figuring things out for myself. I still need to spend time with the family and play with kids at church.
Safari
I went on safari last Saturday. It was just a one day stint rather than the week long trip that was originally planned. I went with three friends here I’ve met that are from the US, a german woman who was visiting the building hospital for a four of weeks and a swiss guy who was volunteering with the mission airlines for a couple of weeks. We made a good group. We chartered a plane to go to a big park south of Dodoma. It was only a 45 min flight and the pilot was really good. The park was great. Weird to be spending so much money and doing something so touristy, but I had to just try to let that go and enjoy the experience. We saw just about everything. Elephants, giraffes, lions, wild bores, zibras, crocodiles, hippos, lots of antelope things…different kinds don’t remember all the names, all kinds of different birds. We didn’t see cheetahs, rinos, or hyenas but saw just about everything else. It was pretty neat to see the animals in the wild rather than in a small space at the zoo. I wish we could have stayed longer. It was a lot to see in one day. Too much driving I think. I would have liked to have sat and watched the animals for a while. I am really grateful for the opportunity though. That was my chance, and I loved it. We had a really nice lunch. I had three cups of coffee. It was so good I just couldn’t stop.
I’ll try to get a better story for my next post. And I’ll try to make it before the next three weeks is over. And I’m working on getting some more pictures up soon.
Monday, June 29, 2009
photos
I also uploaded some photos on facebook. that seemed easiest. I think everyone should be able to use this link.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2036011&id=31601659&l=50fa4e693f
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2036011&id=31601659&l=50fa4e693f
New house, new family, new outlook
I have a new place to live for the week…well last week. This update is a little old. Big changes going from living far away with few people ages ranging from 17 to 27, having lots of time and space to myself, with only ok English to living in the city with tons of people ages ranging 7 to about 80, sharing a room, and having people speaking fluently in English. I was getting kind of lonely out in kisasa by myself. At first having so much time to myself was just what I needed but then it became not as much of a good thing when I started to think too much and miss home too much. It was perfect timing…just like god knew what I needed : ). Now with so many people in the house there is always something going on. The kids always want to play. And I have no space to myself at all, but there are people I can have a real conversation with.
I’m staying at the bishop’s house for a week. There are 11 people sleeping here most nights and his wife is in Dar and their daughter is at school. So many people! There’s Peace who is 7 then Grace who is 12, a little bossy and doesn’t like to lose games… then Victor is 13 I think. He has some good insight on the world for a 13 year old. All the kids are really smart. And then Kabiro is the bishop’s nephew that lives with them. He’s 20 and really great. Then Shangwe is a girl that lives with them. I think she’s 20 something. She does the cooking and the cleaning. She is really close to the girls, pretty much like family, but then also the maid. Then both grandmothers are living here too. Neither speaks english. They are/were sick and are healing at their home until someone can take them back. They also have an older daughter who is going to school somewhere else. And the amos and esther. Wow! Oh and there is a girl staying, sharing a room with me. Sad that I don’t have my own room. I don’t have a space at that house at all to go hide away in. She is some bishops daughter, first was just passing through now maybe staying for 3 months. Not sure. She doesn’t speak very good English. She sleeps on the floor on a mattress. She seems to keep to herself…but I can’t have a conversation with her. She doesn’t really talk with anyone else in the family either. Haven’t quite figured that situation out.
The kids are fun. Good distractions. I’m not lonely…well in the same way. They love games. The first night I was here I showed them my card trick. It’s a pretty good one. Victor kind of picked up on it. Once I showed him, he mastered the presentation. I was proud! And we play phase 10, set, crazy 8s, kings in the corner. It’s great. If you know me… I LOVE card games. The other fun thing is that I’ve been doing exercises with the kids. Mostly the two girls. I’ve been trying to do push ups and sit ups just to do something physical with my body. I was trying to hide in my room one day to do them and Peace found me. I asked if she wanted to join…so she and grace did. We’ve done them everyday since. I guess that’s not something I thought of bringing here. Something that is so inate in me. I didn’t think anyone else would be interested. Since then I did a little stretching session with the little lahash kids. I didn’t have a translator so it was a do as I say kind of a thing. I enjoyed it. And Grace showed a bunch of her friends at the church on Saturday. That was fun!
Well Bible camping starts tomorrow. I hope it goes well. I’m helping teach and HIV lesson as well as games and crafts. Should be fun. There are lots of ages going. A change of pace from the normal routine is always exciting.
I’m staying at the bishop’s house for a week. There are 11 people sleeping here most nights and his wife is in Dar and their daughter is at school. So many people! There’s Peace who is 7 then Grace who is 12, a little bossy and doesn’t like to lose games… then Victor is 13 I think. He has some good insight on the world for a 13 year old. All the kids are really smart. And then Kabiro is the bishop’s nephew that lives with them. He’s 20 and really great. Then Shangwe is a girl that lives with them. I think she’s 20 something. She does the cooking and the cleaning. She is really close to the girls, pretty much like family, but then also the maid. Then both grandmothers are living here too. Neither speaks english. They are/were sick and are healing at their home until someone can take them back. They also have an older daughter who is going to school somewhere else. And the amos and esther. Wow! Oh and there is a girl staying, sharing a room with me. Sad that I don’t have my own room. I don’t have a space at that house at all to go hide away in. She is some bishops daughter, first was just passing through now maybe staying for 3 months. Not sure. She doesn’t speak very good English. She sleeps on the floor on a mattress. She seems to keep to herself…but I can’t have a conversation with her. She doesn’t really talk with anyone else in the family either. Haven’t quite figured that situation out.
The kids are fun. Good distractions. I’m not lonely…well in the same way. They love games. The first night I was here I showed them my card trick. It’s a pretty good one. Victor kind of picked up on it. Once I showed him, he mastered the presentation. I was proud! And we play phase 10, set, crazy 8s, kings in the corner. It’s great. If you know me… I LOVE card games. The other fun thing is that I’ve been doing exercises with the kids. Mostly the two girls. I’ve been trying to do push ups and sit ups just to do something physical with my body. I was trying to hide in my room one day to do them and Peace found me. I asked if she wanted to join…so she and grace did. We’ve done them everyday since. I guess that’s not something I thought of bringing here. Something that is so inate in me. I didn’t think anyone else would be interested. Since then I did a little stretching session with the little lahash kids. I didn’t have a translator so it was a do as I say kind of a thing. I enjoyed it. And Grace showed a bunch of her friends at the church on Saturday. That was fun!
Well Bible camping starts tomorrow. I hope it goes well. I’m helping teach and HIV lesson as well as games and crafts. Should be fun. There are lots of ages going. A change of pace from the normal routine is always exciting.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Not sure what to think
I finished the first package of malaria pills. That means I’ve been gone for two weeks. The first one dragged by, but the second one was lightening speed in comparison. It’s nice to be in more of a routine and know kind of what to expect out of each day.
This week we went on home visits to the houses of the Lahash sponsored kids. Lahash, the organization based in Portland that I came with, has a child sponsorship program that people donate money to support about 70 children in the area. The money goes to pay for schooling, uniforms, books as well as some food and other supplies. I’m not sure how often the home visits happen, but we went tow days this week and I think the same will happen next week. We went on foot and in two days we probably visited 10-12 kids at maybe 10 different homes. The visits are to make sure that the money is going to the right things and they are getting food and have a bed. We would talk with the parents and the kids. Really really hard. There are just so many awful stories to hear of people’s lives. And they just keep coming, one horrible story after another. I’m not sure what to think about it. I’m not even sure how to process it. I’m not sure I can…or really want to. I just feel numb. I my heart should be breaking over the poverty, but I’m not. It should cause have the desire to help or create change, that it should make me want to change the way I live my life, but I don’t really feel at all. I think it’s just too much. I don’t even really want to try to process it. I feel helpless. What can I do to REALLY help? It’s so complicated…so complicated.
I guess that’s what I’m here for is to figure out how programs like this work. So far I’ve been impressed with the services that they provide, and mostly the way that they go about providing them. I think the westerner in me would want things to be more organized and consistent, but that doesn’t seem to be the way things work here. I don’t even know where to start but it has to be better to do something rather than nothing right? I just don’t know how to feel about it. The existence of poverty, and trying to change it. The standard response is that through the broken world can we best see God’s love and grace and mercy poured out. But why are there some people like me that have the job to go out and show the love by helping and by being there, while there are others that have to live the life of pain and brokenness. My worries are so little, yet they are my worries. Why do I get to live the life I do when there are millions of people who can’t even comprehend what I have. How should that impact me? How will that change the way I live. I don’t really want to give up everything. I’m weak. I feel like it should change me or inspire something in me but I just feel numb. I almost don’t want to feel it. I don’t know that I could handle it.
Just trying to think that through is so exhausting. It just goes in circles. I don’t know even really want to address it ever. I just want to be in my own world. I just want to curl up and read and be in a different world. But that’s what I’m here for. I just don’t know how to do it.
This week we went on home visits to the houses of the Lahash sponsored kids. Lahash, the organization based in Portland that I came with, has a child sponsorship program that people donate money to support about 70 children in the area. The money goes to pay for schooling, uniforms, books as well as some food and other supplies. I’m not sure how often the home visits happen, but we went tow days this week and I think the same will happen next week. We went on foot and in two days we probably visited 10-12 kids at maybe 10 different homes. The visits are to make sure that the money is going to the right things and they are getting food and have a bed. We would talk with the parents and the kids. Really really hard. There are just so many awful stories to hear of people’s lives. And they just keep coming, one horrible story after another. I’m not sure what to think about it. I’m not even sure how to process it. I’m not sure I can…or really want to. I just feel numb. I my heart should be breaking over the poverty, but I’m not. It should cause have the desire to help or create change, that it should make me want to change the way I live my life, but I don’t really feel at all. I think it’s just too much. I don’t even really want to try to process it. I feel helpless. What can I do to REALLY help? It’s so complicated…so complicated.
I guess that’s what I’m here for is to figure out how programs like this work. So far I’ve been impressed with the services that they provide, and mostly the way that they go about providing them. I think the westerner in me would want things to be more organized and consistent, but that doesn’t seem to be the way things work here. I don’t even know where to start but it has to be better to do something rather than nothing right? I just don’t know how to feel about it. The existence of poverty, and trying to change it. The standard response is that through the broken world can we best see God’s love and grace and mercy poured out. But why are there some people like me that have the job to go out and show the love by helping and by being there, while there are others that have to live the life of pain and brokenness. My worries are so little, yet they are my worries. Why do I get to live the life I do when there are millions of people who can’t even comprehend what I have. How should that impact me? How will that change the way I live. I don’t really want to give up everything. I’m weak. I feel like it should change me or inspire something in me but I just feel numb. I almost don’t want to feel it. I don’t know that I could handle it.
Just trying to think that through is so exhausting. It just goes in circles. I don’t know even really want to address it ever. I just want to be in my own world. I just want to curl up and read and be in a different world. But that’s what I’m here for. I just don’t know how to do it.
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